Our worst Valentine’s Day ever entails a bucket of oysters, a screening of Andrei Rublev and a whole lot of pain. But sometimes you have to suffer in order to enjoy the good times… right?
GEORGE
Where he presides: The Crocodile Lounge, East Village
Favorite drink: Budweiser
They’re always so great it’s hard to remember. Too many to choose. Actually, nothing really comes to mind. The worst thing I guess I ever did was in 6th grade I gave a girl the plastic heart from an Entenmann’s cake. The whole class made fun of me. It was pretty ghetto.
SARAH
Where she presides: Rodeo Bar, Murray Hill
Favorite drink: Sangria
This didn’t happen to me, but last year I had a woman and a man come in on Valentine’s Day as a blind date. They met at the bar and I guess the guy wasn’t very happy with the girl, so they had a few margaritas and the guy said he was going to the bathroom and he got up and left and never came back. He left her with the bill and everything — totally stiffed her. So she ended up staying and getting really drunk by herself until she fell over the bar. We had to put her in a cab home.
JEAN
Where she presides: Hank’s Saloon, Boerum Hill
Favorite drink: Decaf Pepsi
Let’s see. There was the time that I told the guy on Valentine’s Day that I didn’t want to see him anymore. He didn’t send me flowers or anything, so I was a little mad about that, but that wasn’t the reason I didn’t want to see him anymore. It was a little deeper than that.
John
Where he presides: Half King, Chelsea
Favorite drink: Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks
Oh man, well, there was this one year — my birthday is a couple of days before Valentine’s Day, and my roommate’s birthday was right around Valentine’s Day, so we decided we’d throw a big Valentine’s Day party — neither of us had girlfriends at the time — sort of as an anti-Valentine’s Day party. So we throw it and it turned out to be a complete sausage-fest. Just a bunch of guys sitting around with cans of Natty Light looking awkwardly at each other.
SARA
Where she presides: Grassroots, East Village
Favorite drink: Vodka and soda
My worst Valentine’s Day was when I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and he asked me to pay half. This was years ago — it was when I was in college. He wasn’t broke, he was just cheap. He was a trust-fund baby. I wrote him a check. It was over $100, I bet.