Welcome to another list. Has anyone told you yet your life will just be an endless series of lists, really? Long ones, short ones, completed ones, unfinished ones. Well, we promise you this list is less depressing than all those other lists. This list will not make you feel inadequate, in fact it will make you feel pretty cool.
Sick Sounds
Cult of Youth, Astral Knife
Wednesday January 14th, 10 pm – 4 am at Home Sweet Home (Lower East Side), tickets $7
Brooklyn-based industrial and post-punk revivalists Cult of Youth released an excellent new album last fall, Final Days, and now they’re embarking on a cross-country tour, which means this is probably your last chance to see them for a few months yet. Don’t sleep on it, this is essential bad weather music. Joining them at Nothing Changes–Home Sweet Home’s weekly foray into industrial, punk, goth, and generally spooky vibes– is Astral Knife, a New York City-based experimental noise outfit that trades in deathly soundscapes and distant wails worthy of an exorcism.
Stay Cold
Pop. 1280 7″ Release Party with Bootblacks, Anasazi
Thursday January 15, 8 pm at Saint Vitus (Greenpoint), tickets $10
Boy are we lucky– even more Sacred Bones bands are playing this week. Catch Anasazi (brutal death punk from NYC) and Bootblacks (post-punk darkness also from the city) alongside Pop. 1280 to celebrate the latter’s new 7 inch at Saint Vitus. Pop. 1280 are taking off on a tour themselves, though these bbs are headed to European shores. According to the band, they won’t be playing another show in the US for at least four months, but get excited for their return because the band is slated to release a full-length album sometime this year.
Brassy Brawds and Dreamy Bros
What Cheer? Brigade, Unstoppable Death Machines, Big Figment
Friday January 16th, 8 pm at Aviv (Greenpoint), tickets $10
An 18-person brass band (What Cheer? Brigade) will cram inside Brooklyn’s newest DIY venue on Friday, which could be either absolutely insufferable or totally insane (in a good way)– either way it’s going to be a freaking spectacle and you really shouldn’t miss it if you can tolerate old world nostalgia. Also on the bill is Unstoppable Death Machines, offering up a totally different sonic experience with their hyped-up bro-garage rock. We forgive them though– the Tucci brothers could swat us in the eye with their lovely long manes and we’d still be OK with watching them perform. Big Figment, a brass-based jazz fusion punk band of sorts (sorry, I don’t know what the hell that means either, just listen to them to clear up that mess) are also set to play. We highly recommend grabbing those $5 cups of champagne and sloshing back a few of those before hand.
Long Live the ’90s
The Vaselines
Friday January 16th, 8 pm at the Bell House (Gowanus), tickets $22
No matter that this Scottish band was formed almost 30 years ago, their songs remain classic odes to love, drugs, and death and continue to be reinterpreted, covered, and imitated decades later. After a years-long hiatus, and nothing more than a retrospective released on Sub-Pop, the band surprised everyone with a new album back in 2010, Sex With An X. The Vaselines are touring once again and will make a stop at the Bell House to promote their new album, V For Vaselines, which the band says was inspired the Ramones, shows that the Vaselines are nothing if not consistent. And that’s something we can totally be happy about.
Just Go, K?
U.S. Girls, Slim Twig, Bottoms, Eaters
Saturday January 17th, 8 pm at Palisades (Bushwick), tickets $8 in advance $10 at the door
Meghan Remy aka U.S. Girls writes some seriously catchy songs in the vein of Dirty Beaches, if Dirty Beaches had a clearer vocal presence. And though it’s been at least a year since I’ve blasted one of her songs in my room, it appears U.S. Girls is touring again despite the fact that her last full-length release, GEM, was from all the way back in 2012. Could this mean a new album is on the way? Who knows. All we know is that you should totally go check her out. Ms. Remy’s musical confidante, Slim Twig (another Toronto one-man band) will make an appearance to. Two acts are opening for the Canadian pair, Bottoms (“a gender-problematizing goth band”) and Eaters (freaking seriously amazing stuff– one part pop, one part out-there synthscapes).
Hardcore Rant
Haymaker, The Rival Mob, Sex Prisoner, Brain Slug
Saturday January 17th, 8 pm at the Acheron (East Williamsburg), $15
YARGHHHH– a night to show how supremely manly you are. JK it’s a night of hardcore at the Acheron! Well, the two aren’t mutually exclusive by any means, but like, can I just take this opportunity to say I’m sick of going to hardcore shows and being socked by neanderthals for no reason? As much as I despise macho garbage, I do love the music (even if it is from Boston) and will continue going to shows despite all the hateful piss spewed on women at these things. So I guess here’s to hoping it doesn’t happen to anyone at this one.
Quit Whining
Scherzo, Taiiga, Caladan, Haunted America, Love Spread
Sunday January 18th, 3 pm at Palisades, tickets $5 at the door
Actually interesting indie rock music led by a frontman with the voice of a fallen angel, Jordyn Blakely, is your breakfast this Sunday at Palisades. If that’s not enough to cure your hangover, consider that a gaggle of experimental noise musicians there. That’s not a funny joke, you say? Well, why don’t we try not being hungover on Saturday. Impossible, you say? Well this show is honestly the best thing for you then. Peel yourself off your cat-covered linoleum, pop some aspirin, and order a stiff drink immediately upon arrival at Palisades. Dr.’s orders.
Don’t Puke, But…
Vomitface, Laundry Day
Monday January 19th, 8 pm at Cakeshop (Lower East Side), tickets $7
Vomitface brings me back to the absolute worst period of my existence– before I discovered punk, I spent a lot of time listening to bands like this. Now, I’m not going to say which bands because that would be embarrassing for me, but I will say they sounded a lot like Vomitface. Regardless, you should probably put in some quality time at Cakeshop, because it might be closing soon, and hey the opening bands are going to be pretty great, including Laundry Day.
Boy Wonder
Joey Bada$$
Monday January 19th, 6:30 pm at Rough Trade (Williamsburg), free entry with purchase of album
Joey Bada$$ returns to the U.S. after what was reportedly a fraught tour across Australia. But no matter– the 19-year-old Bed-Stuy-based indie rapper is co-founder of the Brooklyn collective Pro Era and was nominated in 2013 for Rookie of the Year at the BET Hip Hop Awards. He has almost half a million followers on Twitter and was profiled by Pitchfork back in 2012. Bada$$ was recently name dropped in a New York Magazine compendium of 100 reasons to love New York City. In short, things seem to be going pretty well for Mr. Bada$$, what’s more he’s dropping his debut album next week and performing a show at Rough Trade to celebrate.
It’s your roundup of this weekend’s parties and shenanigans to ensure you never sleep ever. This weekend is going to be an especially good one because it is especially diverse! Tragically, Bossa Nova will be closed temporarily for construction, so you’ll notice a depressing absence in our roundups, but it will all be worth it if the backyard will finally be usable again when they reopen. Fingers crossed! No matter which party you pick on Friday (You should definitely do both if you can!), you’re going to be supporting a seriously powerful cause in addition to receiving an awesome dose of vibes. And on Saturday, a pack of Detroit legends at Output, including one of the most important and interesting names in techno, will hands-down be worth coughing up the cash for. Oh, and if you’re one of the blessed ones who are off Monday for MLK JR. Day, you definitely MUST take us up on the extra credit assignment we’re offering (5 AM- 2 PM after-hours party AKA the very spirit of Sleep When You’re Dead.) Or, uh, even if you do have to work Monday, you should still go. You’ll survive. 
